Another Random Post 2

I am not a social person I guess.To be clear I always feel that I don’t fit in..fit in this world. Though I usually spent (waste) a reasonable part of my time on social networking sites..I feel even that space is alien to me. When 99% of my friends find content in posting photos, updating statuses saying simple routine things like having coffee at so n so place, selfies,group selfies …I wonder how boring my life is and that it doesn’t make any sense.I wonder what I have done in life and where it is taking me. I envy on how cool my friends lives are when the only difference between them and me is that I do pretty much the same things but never bother to take pics or update status.May be I am the odd one out. I feel that I am trying to be someone else if I do things like that. It s not so like me.I have blindly fixed some standards for me and just sticks on to that.Not at all cool.

Sometimes I try to get completely detached by deactivating my account.However since I think I am sort of addicted ,end up activating it again. I tried that again this morning and like you have guessed my account is active again after few hours. phew!! hopeless!!

Advertisements

Another Random Post

These days I am experiencing a mix of emotions, like at one moment I feel I am the happiest person on earth,next instant I feel terrible,hopeless and otherwise relaxed which is best of the lot where it feels like I am trying to figure out who I am or what I am. I wish I could have started the post on a cheerful note like..Hello my dears!! I missed this place so much.It feels good to be back n all but there is something about this space that I usually turn to it to throw away my emotional baggage.

Past few months I have come in terms with the fact that this life is yours and you shouldn’t expect anything from anyone. Another word that haunted me these days was “trust”. Should i trust him? or her..I started doubting everyone ..I dint want my poor heart to be shattered.

One of my friends gave me a preach on what is life without expectation,hope,trust.Poor guy he didn’t even realize that I was talking about him. I am just scared to get too close to people. I would get possessive and addicted and can’t even imagine how I will react when the same person breaks your trust. So I chose the safe option never get close to anyone..pretty bad option when all I want is to be with them.

What more? hmm We had an intercollege fest in our college..a grand one..And I ended up sitting lazily at home with an excuse ‘None of my friends are going..so how will I?’ I get sick of myself,my so-called attitude when all my heart wanted was to enjoy the fest.pity on me!! Yeah I pity myself how I am not lucky enough to have fun in life,knowing that all it prevents me from having fun is myself.

Recently I love being with this guy,our friendship is growing slowly n like usual I don’t trust him enough. I can read from his eyes that he is attracted to me and strangely I get possessive for him.I hate  it when he ignores me purposely.Yes he does that sometimes,if what I could read from his eyes are correct. Don’t tell me I am in love with him..he is remotely related to the kind of guy I will fall in love with (if someone like that exists). If S is reading this post I am positive that he ll get that I am talking about him. 🙂

Our campus recruitments  are going on. I have successfully attended 2 such placements which obviously I couldn’t get through, partly because of my lack of interest. First interview was kinda hilarious.The reason I wasnt hired was my answer to their simple question.”Do you like to code during your free time? “They might be hearing a NO for  an answer for the first time.They looked at each other for sometime.and that explains it all.Anyways I wasn’t interested in the firm at the time as I heard many bad reviews about them.But after 2 interviews I feel that I should have taken it bit more seriously.I doubt whether I would get placed somewhere.But its ok .everything in life happens for a reason 🙂

That’s it..I hope to write more often.It feels good as I always say 🙂

Unfulfilled dream

As each drop fell into the heart of earth

I watched silently

admiring the silver strings from heaven.

My mind longed to get drenched

Something held me back

fear or pessimist mind unwilling to change

I gazed and gazed…

until I realized

I was losing…

The courage my mind  gathered gone vain

The rain had already ceased

Time had flapped its wings

Before I could reach out my hands.

wandering thoughts

My heart floats aimlessly

Deep down it aches,yearns for help

Loses  hope,lets the current play

The ride isn’t smooth

Drown by the waves
With all might manages  a glimpse of the sky

To realize a giant wave is to swallow it

The pain is frozen

Faith is lost

Left with the only option  surrender

The flow takes to the luxury of two choices-

An endless unpredictable roller coaster ride

and a tunnel of agony.

There is no turning back,choice has to be made..